


John's Midlife Crisis

by Albino_Artist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 15:27:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18897424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Albino_Artist/pseuds/Albino_Artist
Summary: John has a midlife crisis





	John's Midlife Crisis

     Once there was a young man named John Egbert he loved pigs and nicolas cage then one day he bought a pig and named it nicolas cage he was very happy with his new pig best friend even though he was still lonely inside because of his now ex wife roxy who cheated on him with her cousin dave and dave got her pregergananant he tried to make the best of it and went to the strip club with his new pig and WOW did the ladies love nicholas cage “OMG it’s nicolas cgeaeeeeeee” they screamed omg can i be a pig then i can mate with him OMGGGGGGGGG they screamed so john did the windy thing and made them all pigs. He named them all nicholas cage. And then they had an orgy along with a lady john met at the strip club. Her name was jane who was later discovered to be is grandmother not actually but some magic time and space paradox bullshit explains that. Nicholas cage ended up have 707 kids and 69 step cousins somehow. Wowie they all said i cant believe its been 420 years since that orgy we all had and were such a happy fam now you know and still birthing kids from that night hooray we get to have a shit ton of birthdays which means a shit ton of cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jane said then john put 69 kids up for adoption. Then they were all adopted by a nice man named gamzee who made them live off of faygo and slime pie. Delicious everyone loves the shit that you’re not supposed to eat :0) and that's how my third kid was born says roxy who was in the corner getting laid by dave oh shit said all the trolls who were listening but instrad eridan said i wwish someone wwould lovve me too and then looked at fef with depression eyes. SO SAD WWEH( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


End file.
